Sunburn!
A breakthrough.
I had a personal breakthrough today. In all my 29 years on this earth I have never worn a bikini in public without covering my thighs with shorts. Today I broke that barrier, I wore a bikini only, in public, for the first time EVER! And you know what, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I’ve always had horrible complexes about my thighs, so this was a real milestone for me. Now I know I can show myself publicly without being too selfconsious about my appearances.
*proud*
A mother’s trust is hard to come by.
I wish for once my mother would be supportive of my decisions… I’m nearly 30 and my mother has never been supportive of my decisions or encouraged me. Don’t get me wrong, my parents have helped me out a great deal throughout my life and I love them dearly, but it hurts my feelings so deeply when they don’t support my life decisions. I said I wanted to go to music and drama school- she said there’s no future in that. I said I wanted to go to photography school, she said I was too young to move out (16). At age 18 I started to realise there was no longer any legal obligations to deny me my desires, and with my obsession with the band Garbage growing I wanted to travel Europe to see them perform. So I said I want to go to the UK to see them live - she said she feared for my life. I once asked her directly “do you expect me to get raped, robbed and murdered?” and she blatantly answered “yes”. Now, I just got off the phone with her, I told her I just got back from the gym- she says don’t overdo the excercise now. She’s previously told me not to get too muscletoned when I said I’d joined a gym. And finally, I’m spending my 30th birthday learning to surf in Hawaii - she keeps begging me to stay at home where it’s safe, and using my brother’s death to try and convince me. If anything, his death has convinced me I need to do this now before it’s too late. But she doesen’t see it that way, and she doesen’t understand my needs. She just sees the peril and problems that might arise. It hurts my feelings, cuts me to the bone. She won’t listen to me when I explain everything to her. She hears me, but she doesen’t understand my point of view, so she goes against my decisions in hopes that I’ll develop the same desires she has. Which is to stay at home, safe and sound..
